A Folding Chair: The perfect weapon
I've never really considered using a plastic folding chair as a weapon, but now I've been inspired by Texas Rangers reliever, Frank Francisco and his chair throwing antics Monday night in Oakland. Francisco was arrested Tuesday morning on a charge of aggravated battery for throwing a folding chair at a defenseless heckler in the crowd in Oakland (defenseless because stadium chairs are nailed to the ground). Francisco hit the heckler's wife instead and broke her nose.
Today I took a folding chair with me to do my errands. I even managed to use it a couple of times. At the supermarket, the cashier charged me the wrong price for my tomatoes and *BAMM*, I knocked her in the nose with my folding chair. On the way home an elderly woman cut in front of me and I dropped my groceries. Ahaa! I have my folding chair. *WHACK* and she was out of the way.
The folding chair as a weapon is so effective that I am going to write a letter to Bush and recommend that we use them in Iraq. Thanks Frank Francisco for the inspiration. You're a true role model.
Go to www.drunkenbleachers.com
posted by Drunken Bleachers @ 8:13 PM
1 Comments:
I must say, having watched pro wrestling throughout my youth, I have always been aware that folding chairs are weapons. While in wrestling "steel" chairs are the norm, I have indeed considered plastic folding chairs as a lightweight alternative, for use when no steel chairs may be found, or for light duty bludgeoning. Frank Francisco could have learned from pro wrestling. For example, one should NEVER use a folding chair to hit one's opponent while the ref is watching. Have your tag team partner distract ref, or better yet just inadvertently bump into the ref, which will cause him to become unconcious. He will regain conciousness the instant you are done getting a chair, whacking your opponent, and rolling him onto his back. You'd never catch David Ortiz clubbing a fan with the umps watching.
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