In Surprise Move, Sox Name Monty Stratton Game 6 Starter

By Logan 5
Correspondent for www.drunkenbleachers.com

Following in the footstep of famed one-legged pitcher Monty Stratton, the Sox have named Curt Schilling as their Game 6 starter. Although Monty had better push with his wooden foot.

After seeing the boot Curt will be wearing, he looks like a monopedal dominatrix. "You’ve been a naughty boy haven’t you. Now whine like little b****h Jeter!"

But seriously.

I must give the Missus her props. I was done with the Old Town Team on Sunday. I’d had enough heartache and was not going to invest myself or waste three more hours of my life watching a sweep by the Godless Yankees. In short, baseball season was over and it was time to devote myself the Patriots march to the Super Bowl.

BUT MY WIFE WOULDN’T LET ME.

As game time rolled around, she came bounding down the stairs, proudly wearing her DB "Boston Believe" Shirt, (and it is a sharp shirt!) demanding I to "turn on the game." Note: She is only a recent Sox convert having grown up in the West. Last year was her only real, personal experience with the Sox’ Sisyphusian history of dramatic failure.

I replied "Why? The Sox are dead to me."

"You can’t give up! This is the year. They can’t lose – I’m wearing my lucky shirt" she replied.

I responded with an explanation of the meaning of the 3-0 deficit, the horror of Game 3, my lifetime of mental cruelty as a diehard fan and the ultimate kicker "Wouldn’t you rather watch Desperate Housewives instead."

"NO!"

So we watched the game.

And the Sox WON!

And now I’m back on the bandwagon, ready to have my heart torn out and stomped flat. Again. And the Game 5 win gives that hope that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t my late father asking me about the score.

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