WARNING: This Piece of Writing is In No Way Unbiased

By Boston Dan
Correspondent for www.drunkenbleachers.com

9:04pm

Well, it’s election night and I’m nervous. I’m nervous because Bush is doing pretty well for himself in the Electoral College. Now that I think of it, Bush’s record in the Electoral College perfectly reflects his record at any other college he has been involved with: Barely getting by. Passing only with the help of his friends in high places.

I digress. Let’s get back to the butterflies (seagulls) in my stomach. I was trying put my emotions in perspective by comparing this level of anxiety to other events in my life. Here are some examples:

-I am more nervous now than when I made my first confession.
-I am more nervous now than I was on my first date.
-I am more nervous now than I was before I played in the State Championship rugby game three years ago.
-I am less nervous now than when I was mugged in Schenectady, NY.

That’s when I realized something that made me feel uneasy. I am LESS nervous now, than I was before Game 7 of this year’s ALCS. It was hard to admit this to myself, but it’s true… and if this is true, then something is seriously wrong.

What does this mean for America, if anything… Analysis:

a.) The Electoral College has left me feeling a bit disenfranchised. Living in Massachusetts, I know that my state will go for Kerry, I feel that the situation is entirely out of my control. I normally don’t worry about things I cannot control.
WHAT IT MEANS FOR AMERICA: Do away with the electoral college!! It’s archaic, it anachronistic! If we used the popular vote to decide, not only would the majority rule, but EVERY vote really would count.

b.) There’s no difference between the candidates. I don’t believe this one, but I hear it a lot. I think that the candidates do have huge differences, but one could make a case that they are overwhelmingly similar when the big picture is considered.
WHAT IT MEANS FOR AMERICA: The laws of economics apply here: Competition is good for the consumer. The two party system is not the best system for America. We need more choices. This is not likely to happen anytime soon.

c.) I’m a young Boston Red Sox fan with no perspective whatsoever. It’s definitely possible that I have been rooting for the sox for so long, and with so much energy, that I have lost my ability to judge what’s actually important, and perhaps I am not even supporting the right candidate. I know Susan thinks so.
WHAT IT MEANS FOR AMERICA: Nothing! This third choice is my own problem. Sure I COULD blame society… but I hate when people do that. Society is responsible for many things, but people use it as a scapegoat way too much.

OOOOKKK…I’m starting to rant, rave, and preach….I’d better go watch The Daily Show’s election coverage… Real News…

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