Thanks to my pal Tim in AZ for linking to this new list on McSweeney's. It is the "play by play of classic sports rivalries if the team names actually represented the combatants. And also, instead of playing the sport, they're fighting to the death." Red Wings vs. Avalanche seems to be a crowd favorite:

Red Wings vs. Avalanche
"Why wouldn't they just let the whole bird fight? I don't understand. Now here comes the----"

"This match was over before it even began!"