Introducing the Fox Filter

Did anyone living outside of Chicago and Houston stay awake to the bitter end of the longest night in World Series history?

Considering that you would have had to suffer through five hours and forty-one minutes of another painfully bad Fox broadcast, you probably went to bed early.

Not me. I have a very special device: THE FOX FILTER.

I just push some buttons and turn a few nobs in the privacy of my home, and the FOX FILTER successfully filters out all of the "Foxisms" that make the Fox broadcast of this World Series the worst ever.

The FOX FILTER eliminates the zooming graphics, the flashing advertisements, the cross-promotions, up to 200 reminders that 'Prison Break' is on at 9pm on Monday, "gopher cam", "Scooter the talking baseball", any interview with Bernie Mac and most importantly, the play by play commentary of Fox World Series announcers, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Here is an example of Buck-McCarver dialogue from World Series Game 2 that my FOX FILTER was able to eliminate (courtesy of Eric Wilbur at Boston.com):

Buck: While you were watching that ad for the new Fox hit "Bones" Tuesday nights at 8, right here on the Fox network, I'll just let you know the only thing you missed was a Morgan Ensberg home run to make it 1-0 Astros.

McCarver: The Astros are looking for their first World Series victory in their first World Series appearance. They've finally made it to the wedding, after being left at the altar so many times before. It's like Eartha Kitt once sang, "Who´s got the ding dong, who´s got the bell. Somebody know but nobody tell."

Buck: My God, where's Troy Aikman?

McCarver: He's sitting there behind home plate.

Buck: Indeed he is. And you can catch my other booth partner and I every week on Fox NFL Sunday, right after JB, Terry, Howie and Jimmy at noon.

McCarver: You know, Joe, I just wanted to remind people of what a great job Jorge PO-SaDA did running from first to third in Game 4 against the California Angels.

Buck: First of all, for our young viewers out there, Tim means the Los Angeles Angels, and second of all, that was two weeks ago.

McCarver: The point being, Aaron Rowand stopped at second. Bad base running. If that were PO-SaDA, he would have scored twice in all likelihood.

Buck: Right. Let's see what Scooter thinks. Scooter…

(I honestly can't tell if this transcript is real or a parody. Are Buck and McCarver mentally ill or just totally lame?)

The FOX FILTER is now being mass produced and will be widely available in stores soon. Buy the stock. Meanwhile, I'm going to crank mine up tonight for Game 4 and watch some good old fashioned baseball. Hopefully I'll be able to forget that 'Prison Break' is on Mondays at 9/8c.